My 24′s (2008)

Thu 18 December 2008

1:16pm

(Last Edited on 21 Jan 2008)

2002 (17): The Whole New University World.
2003 (18): Moment of Torn Heart and Confused Mind…
2003 (19): I Become Editor!
2004 (20): Internationalize Myself!!!
2005 (21): Absolutely! My Golden Age.
2006 (22): A Year of Self-Realization.
2007 (23): The Great Discovery!

2008 (24): Learning to the Max

2009 (25): An expected Age of Maturity.

2008 (24): Learning to the Max

My 24’s has been full of learning. My master degree at UCL has bombarded me with many deadlines than I can ever imagined. Having only five days for one 3000-words essay or one seminar presentation has become a common thing in every week. Job hunting since the beginning of the year and two internships in the UK also took over the rest of my time. The time I have left was mostly spent with my sweetheart of course. By now, I think you would have known the reasons why I have been quiet all year round; having not written anything up to my blog, replying e-mail late or even forgetting to reply, and rarely going out. Please forgive me for that.

Time Efficiency

Different deadlines and internship experience have trained me to manage my time well. Yes! Your last-minute friend has changed to be a bit more organised. Doing 15-minute running to the university in a pair of pyjamas after having slept for few nights to finish the essay has come to an end. My Master dissertation was finished much earlier, and this caused many of my friends a panic attack as they thought that they really remembered the deadline time incorrectly. Really poor them! (Or, should it be ‘poor me’ instead?).

Relationship

‘Learning a lot’ is not limited only to formal education. I feel so great that Amp (my GF) and I has been able to learn from the past and develop our healthy relationship further. Transition from ‘being in love’ to ‘loving each other’ is not always an easy-peasy one. Thankfully, we managed it at the end despite being in a tough one so-called ‘distant love’. We are still happy and love each other a lot despite having geographically separated from each other from more than six months. Congratulation to both of us! Hurray! (Sorry, if my writing is a bit too obsessed, perhaps I am too happy that I am going to meet her very soon in Thailand.)

Career

Job hunting and two internships with Oxfam in the UK have opened my eyes a lot about working life. Job hunting in the UK has trained me very well on how to present my CV, answer interview questions, and know my selling points. Internship experience showed me how communication work have been done differently in Europe and proofed that I am able to do it. Coordinating and communicating in the international level does not require native English staffs after all. Doing communication works in two internships also showed me how communication work can be quite different. It is not only the job that you are doing which matters. Your boss, colleagues, and corporate culture also matter a lot. It is better to learn about this stuff since you were young, isn’t it?

All in all, I am thankful that I have learnt a lot this year. Life is full of learning, isn’t it? Oh god! I forget that these days life-long learning has already become a mainstream principle already. Poor all of us! We cannot be lazy when we get older anymore. Sob… Sob… I would like to have a lazy life….

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone.

Enjoy your celebration anywhere you are in the world.

Gun

P.S. I am going to start working on my 5-yrs review (20-24 years old) soon. It will surely come out for you to enjoy soon…..

 

A man who can’t let it go…

(Note from Autumn in Oxford)

“Finish this essay, and I will rest”

“Finish all the exams, and I will rest”

“Finish this group work, and I will rest”

“Find a good internship first, and I will rest”

“Finish my Master dissertation, and I will rest”

“Find a job first, and I will rest”

It has been more than a year that these conditional sentences have been put into my head to ensure the best harvest out of this expensive master degree in the UK. Essay after essay, test after test, one job application after one another, I keep running and running after this endless deadlines.

Before essay deadlines or presentations, it has become common that I would not have any sleep for one or two nights. Without any surprise, I usually get sick afterwards. Trying to kill my stress by watching Naruto (Japanese anime) or surfing internet leaves me with a feeling of shame. Why! Why I waste my time and don’t work? Parties become a social occasion I cannot afford to enjoy. I force myself to leave early and drink very little, so I can wake up early another morning to work on it again. London, I have not seen anything there…. Just stuck here in Russell Square where my place and my university are.

Things start getting worse. Over-exploiting myself like this leaves me with no feeling except self-hate. I start hating my life and I really hate of being myself, being ‘Gun’. Just forget of Gun, a party animal that many of you guys know me well. My life turns upside down to work, work, and work. The only free time I have is when I am sick and have to stay in bed. Perhaps ‘Killing myself for work’ seems like a better word.

Beautiful red autumn has passed. Dark winter and green spring were gone. The weather is not warm as it was in summer anymore. Season changes, but I have not seized. The sun is shining, but I do not feel it. My life is like a robot, working endless hours and don’t have any feeling anymore. Not even thinking, it is just in analysing process to finish the task.

Today after a year, I finally let it go for a first time. I bring my old camera out to explore ancient Oxford for the first time after having lived here for three months. Life can be tough, but it is also about letting it to happen and knowing when to let it go and rest as well. Being ambitious is good, but there is a big difference between working hard to reach the goal and killing yourself to die at the goal. Overall productivity is also about efficiency, not only about long working hours.

Today the sun is shinning. The sky is clear blue and autumn leave is swift along the wind. Finally, I feel the moment. I feel that I am still alive! My skin can feel that the wind is blowing. I also can feel the heat from sunlight warming up my face. Oh! It is great to be able to enjoy our beautiful world once again.

Thank god, now I hear my inner-thought clearly. I know what I feel and what I am thinking. I love today, the day I fell alive once again!!!

Wriiten on 01 Oct 2008 at 11:13pm (Oxford, UK)

 

my 23′s (2007)

Tuesday Dec 25, 2007
7:41pm
@ Amp’s Place in London
(Last Edited on Jan 26, 2008 – 7:11pm)

2002 (17): The Whole New University World.
2003 (18): Moment of Torn Heart and Confused Mind…
2003 (19): I Become Editor!
2004 (20): Internationalize Myself!!!
2005 (21): Absolutely! My Golden Age.
2006 (22): A Year of Self-Realization.
2007 (23): The Great Discovery!
…
2009 (25): An expected Age of Maturity.

>

2007 (23): The Great Discovery!

Yes! Today is the Christmas day. I am here in London. Thai tradition and my family did not celebrate Christmas. It was long since my Christian high school that I did celebrate Christmas properly. Being at my girlfriend’s place, I am writing my year review while my girlfriend cooks and jumps around along the lively Christmas songs from the radio. We have such the sweetest time and happiest time ever this winter holiday.

My 23′s passed by like the blink of an eye. I felt like I wrote my 22′s year review just a month ago. Yes, It is been a year and it is the time to write another year review already! Thinking back of what I have been through last year gave me no doubt why it passed so fast. My year started from volunteering to help homeless people in Ireland, spent summertime in Thailand, yet ended the year in London. It was quite a fully packed year when I look back. I lived in three countries in a mere year. I was a Buddhist monk. I got back to work with the World Bank for a while. I went skiing in Poland. I went camping on the coldest day in Ireland. And, now I am studying a master degree in London.

In 2006, I found out what is the goal of my life: being the greatest communicator ever living in this world. In 2007, despite lots of transitions, the highlight of the year I came across is the discovery of the essence of my life. And, that made my last year become extraordinary! I discovered only few jigsaws, but they really fulfill my life.

>

1st Great Discovery: Meditation and Dharma

Being back in my home country, Thailand: the country where Buddhism is most prosperous in the world, I grabbed an opportunity to be ordained as a Buddhist monk. It was the “miracle of my life” – I called it. And, this is not an exaggeration. Meditation and the practice of mindfulness dispel my anger, cure my sleeping disorder, and free me from a destructive anxiety. On the other hand, Dharma clarified the root of life and guides me the best discipline on how to live it up. The reason why I call it ‘a miracle of my life’ is not because I learnt a lot about life under yellow robes, but actually how that positive effect is so long-lasting and can prevail over my hectic daily life. Unbelievably, the impact is even greater and greater as time goes by. Thanks you to A. Maharuthorn, the abbot of my temple, who guided me to learn the lesson of Dharma by my own and A. Pradubchoke who dedicated time to mentor my intensive meditation practice 24 hours-a-day for the whole ten days to give me strong foundation to develop meditation even further by my own.

>

2nd Great Discovery: Amp, my girlfriend.

Being on relationship for several times, I thought I know what ‘Love’ is, but I didn’t. The ‘Real Love’ is very powerful, and so obsessive. I would say Amp is the first girl I ever fall in love in my life. She changed my London to be Paris and my crappy flat to be a rose garden. Being around her, my head keeps whispering me that she is ‘All I ever want in my life’. Spending time with her is like I was living in my dream. “As no one is perfect, we need another person to be a partner in life.” That sounds so simple; yet finding the right matching one is not that simple. It is so hard as one in a million something.

I am so blessed to discover her last year. She inspires me to get my competitiveness back. Also, she is the one who I really can see the clear picture of us living together until the rest of our life. She made me realize another foundation of life: family which I was long forgotten. And, what I am really sure now – I have never felt so sure in anything in my life more than this – is that “she is really the one for me, the missing jigsaw I always search for to fulfill my life”. Thank you, Amp. I love you so much, my dear!

>

3rd Great Discovery: Happiness is ‘less for more’.

2007 was the year I discovered that happiness is easy and simple than I ever thought. Happiness is so near us, but many people just overlook it. We don’t need to go so far to Tibet to find it. Also, owning Louis Vuitton bag, luxurious house, Ferrari or getting rich do not guarantee that any happiness will come along the way. The less we need pricy things to be happy, the more you can enjoy and maximize the happiness you already got from everyday life.

Personally, focusing on my breathing during meditation becomes the main source of my happiness now. I reach my great inner peace within from that. And, isn’t it great that I just only need my breathing to make me happy, and nothing else? Regarding unhappiness, Buddhist approach taught me that it’s about getting rid of it, but recognizing the existence of it. Then, I can make it through by changing my position to understand the nature of it, rather than struggle from its unavoidable existence.

Regarding relationship with others, what I learn is that less is really more. It does not matter how many parties you went to, it matters on how much happiness you can subtract out from them. It does not matter how many people you know in your life, it is how many people who really care of you. How many people you can lean on them when you really need a support? I am here with my girlfriend, and another great friend of her, Tiang, who I really enjoy his company, to celebrate Christmas together in London. And, you know what this Christmas is the best Christmas I ever have in six years. Just being with few, but matter people is special enough. And, perhaps that is where the heart of Christmas lies on and why mankind still keeps their tradition to celebrate it.

My trip to go skiing in Poland was also a very good example. Skiing for a first time was an enjoyable challenge and fun activity to do, but it was the re-union with Oussep friends from Japan which warm my heart. I could not stop from smiling and laughing at all throughout the whole trip. Thank you to Wojtek to organize the trip. And, it was Ninja Martin, Don Antonio, Paprika Attila, tender Anieska, and sarcastic yet caring Anna that made Poland trip became one of the most memorable trips in my life. I cannot wait to get back over there very soon. Besides, beautiful memory from camping at Lough Hyne in West Cork, Ireland on the coldest day of winter is still so vivid in my heart. Big bonfire was setting up high and stars were glittering like we were being covered under the blanket with millions diamonds. And, it was only three of us: Glenn from Phillipines, Tsai from Taiwan, and me exchanging conversation and warming our body up from bonfire in the midst of forest. It gave me a sweet ‘Stand by me’ childhood memory, yet it just happened when we already grow up.

>

These three great discoveries of Meditation & Dharma, my girlfriend, and ‘less is more’ account of happiness really made my 2007. And, it really made me feel that I grew up substantially towards an age of 25 which I set it as the age of maturity for mine.

By now, I still have no clue of what the coming year of 2008 (my 24′s) is going to bring me. However, what I am quite certain is that most of my time is going to be dedicated for studying and investing towards my future. The course I am studying now can be tough, and I do not know how many obstacles in 2008 are going to discourage me. But, let’s see to what extent the power of meditation, the great love and care of my girlfriend, and the support from my close friend can make a difference in it.

Overall, this year I am not afraid at all, and I am looking forward to facing any challenge coming up in my life. I feel so well-prepared and being ready to enjoy whatever challenge may come more than ever.

Welcome 2008!

Happy New Year, everyone.

 

Gun’s Langton Close Statement

Friday Oct 26 2007: 7:47 am @ Langton Close (My Place in London)

“Thinking of how many people is dying and suffering horribly in Africa, Latin America or Asia while I am reading or studying now; trying to gain my knowledge to be able to help them in the future.

Then, I know, I cannot stop! I must go on and go on!

Still many, many people are in abject poverty and have no sense of hope; waiting for me to help. I must never lose my focus! I must get all the knowledge as much as and as soon as possible before running into the battlefield to help getting them out of poverty.

The need is urgent, and I need to be quick.

Make it, make it, Gun! You can change the world!”

 

Can I ask for more!

Wrote on Fri 12 Oct, 2007
10:29 pm (Done: 12:08am)

Russell Square station was busy as usual around 6pm. Medium-aged men in black classy suits knitted his brow while looking at his watch, and rush through station gate. Perhaps he had to rush to get to business dinner with his customer on time. I guess. Fabulous-looking woman with blonde hair was chatting with her gal on the phone while walking through me. Her clothes were so glamorous; contradictory, her desperate face showed obviously that it was not her good day, and she was very in need of sympathy from her friend to cheer her up immediately.

In the midst of hustle and bustle of London city, I stand-stilled observing London’s fast pace of life. Being a Buddhist monk was a miracle in my life. And, it taught me to know when to slow down my pace. Until being a monk, I seemed to struggle to prove something in my life all the time. I worked too hard, set goal too high, built up excessive skill, and kept climbing up the ladder. My body could tolerate sickness. My body condition could be horrible, and my task must be done on-time. Having to go to hospital at 3am in the morning was acceptable; just to finish my task on-time. But, if someone asked the simple question whether was I happy, or not? I surely did hesitating to answer at that time.

Working at the World Bank in Bangkok until two days before coming to UK was quite loaded. There were many things to be done: trying to finish my work task on-time and packing my stuff to UK as well. But, this time, the hectic transition turned out to be more pleasant time than I could ever imagine. Why?

I opened my eyes slowly. Burning-red, and golden maple leaves scattered all over the green lawn. Blue sky and sunlight made the day so beautiful. Just finished meditation in the leafy garden at the backyard of my flat, my mind was so tranquil than I could describe in words. Yes! It was meditation making me through that supposed-to-be-hectic transition. And, now meditation turns out to be my daily good habit. It is not only the peace and energy I happily get out from it, but it is also more on strengthening my consciousness: which greatly improves my productivity and minimizes the destructive mindset.

Another surprise! Another surprise!

Miracle in my life is followed by another miracle which I better call, a fulfillment of my life. I used to have not even got a clue when Wojtek, my Polish friend, explained me about how his life is much easier and happier by that time when he found a girl, the one of his life. Finally, I found the one for me, and just realized it. Amp is my girlfriend. We got together two months ago when we were in Bangkok. And, now we end up in London together in such a pure coincidence. Perhaps, destiny draws us together here. There are hundred of countries in the world, but we ends up here in England together studying. Moreover, we are in the same city, London. And you know what? Her university and my department are only 5 minutes away by walking. Destiny! Destiny!

But, the point is that she really makes me know how beautiful the real LOVE is. Just being with her, no matter we are talking, cooking, shopping, studying, being with others, or not; what my mind whisper to me is “Having her around is all I ever want in my life”. Being with her, I completely forget the whole world. Being with her, busy London turns to be romantic and sweet Paris. My shabby room turns to be room-sweet-room. Every single ordinary day of us is like every special day.

Now my postgraduate study life just begins at University College London (UCL). I will study of what I really keen to study: Development, how to develop nations especially developing countries. Also, I have Buddhism backing up my mind. Lastly, I have an adorable, very understanding girlfriend who fulfills my heart and my soul.

Could I ask for any more thing in my life?

I do not think so.

 

Miracle, Miracle…

My hand touches my stomach where it used to be a big belly 44 days ago. Now excessive fat over there is mostly gone. Looking my reflection in the mirror, my face is not chubby like a month ago anymore. My weight now is at 59 kilogram, losing 8kg in the mere 44 days. It actually dated back to 3 years ago when I went to Japan that I was at this weight. And, jeans that I could not be able to wear for ages are usable again. The unbelievable fact is that this time I did not do any exercise at all, and I did not try to lose weight too in the last two months.

My mind has never been this peaceful ever in my life too. In the last two weeks, I work overload, go through my too-many must-do list, and experience both pleasant and unpleasant things. Surprisingly, I could first-time harness it all with peace in my mind. My over-anxiety is gone, curing my sleeping problem unbelievably. My anger is controllable; I notice and water it before it burns me. And, I know when it’s time to take a break before my stress level beyond its healthy limit.

My change both physically and mentally this time is truly a miracle of my own life. And, what brings this miracle is not a hi-tech pill that could transform me to superman or being genetic-modified accidentally like Spiderman. It is an old, old thing having been discovered for more than 2,550 years. It is so public well-known and not coming from old secret scripture that few people could learn and be the master of it. Moreover, everyone can access and practice it without any pre-requisite qualification.

It is Dharma and Mediation that create this miracle.

And, it took only 44 days being ordained as a Buddhist monk.

Back to normal life, anger, anxiety, happiness, and every feeling are all still come across me at different time of a day. But, the change is that I try to be a boss of my feeling instead of its slave. To clarify, it is not seeing-stone-in-Zen-garden-alike type of peace that we feel so peaceful but it lasts only 10 minutes after we left that garden. For this peace I got, it is simply living with me. And, live in the present is the only thing I need to do. Then, I notice what I feel more and choose to control it rather than letting them take over.

Putting Buddhism as my religion in every document since I was born, my living style before could be categorized as the person who knew Buddhism the least. I studied in Christian school for 12 years, rarely went to temple, and gave food to monks only my birthday once a year. This time is the time I could first-time feel that I have element of Buddhism as part of my life.

Miracle.. Miracle.. Miracle happens to me!!!

My next task is just to figure out how I am going to reshape my life with element of Buddhism coexisting in it. Not an easy question, and, obviously, I can’t answer it now. But, as we live to learn, and we question to answer; let’s all see what this miracle will lead me. And, who knows, this miracle may be just the first stepping-stone for the greater miracle to come.

Just need to live in the present, and let’s see what it will bring me.

Cheers,

GUN

P.S. Yeah! I am back to a normal world already. And, i get myself back to the World Bank, Bangkok again. It will be two months working as a temporary staff for their public information center. Take care everyone. And, please wait for more detail of me being ordained as a monk. It is on its way and coming very soon including some crappy photos i could get during journey.

But, before that, you can check out the very fine pictures of my ordination ceremony taken by Arm, one of my very few best friends. And, please thank him to give us all the chance to see pictures on one of the greatest day in my life. Enjoy it @ his Flickr photo album. Here is the link!

 

 

My Article Hitting Ireland

Thank to all my friend in Ireland. It was really great to have you around with me over there. Surely, I could not forget an amazing time we shared together.

Here is the article i wrote for “The Immigrant”, local newspaper in Ireland based in Cork. So, do not forget the pick it up around Cork city. Nothing much to say, but run to grab it before it is all gone. Thank and cheers for our friendship that inspire me to write this article.

And, for those who cannot wait till the next morning, here is the pdf file.
(Ireland: A Diverse Cultural Society)

And, another surprise, some of you may see yourself in the newspaper, so why not taking the real newspaper to be able to keep it forever (if your computer crash down, who know?)

Cheers,

Gun

 

Far-from-Ordinary Journey!

Dear all,

In recent years, I have traveled a lot.
From the road less traveled in Laos to ski trip in Poland.
Still think of sushi in Japan, cappuccino in Italy, and cider in Ireland

Good news is that I am going to travel again from this Monday. (26 May)
This journey I do not have to check the world map before I am going.
This journey I do not even need to speak English to ask for direction.
Yet, perhaps this journey is going be the most memorable and mysterious one in my life.

I am going to be ordained as a Buddhist monk.
Location: a small temple in Nothaburi, a province next to Bangkok.     
Duration: approximately five weeks.

Seem so simple, huh?

But, it is the journey that whatever inside my CV means completely nothing.
My university diploma, my numerous certificates, my international experience are all worthless.

And, the experience I am trying to discover, my two legs are unable to bring me there.
Normal journey, I can take some photos, and bring it back to share with everyone. But a travel within your mind, only mind walker knows how far he goes, and photo cannot be captured.   

Also, I have lived most of my last few years in front of computer and internet. My mobile phone has never been switched off for more than half day for at least five years. But, sorry there will be no computer usage till I am out from the temple. And, my mobile phone will be shut off from Sat 2 June (my ordination ceremony). Literally, you guys probably won’t reach me till the beginning of July.

This Journey,
My knowledge equals to zero.
My legs cannot bring me there.
And, No way to connect if I even any support.  

God bless me then.
Take care everyone until I get back out from the temple. (Beginning of July) 

With Bliss,
Gun 

P.S. http://www.thaibuddhist.com/index.html provides a good article and photos of life as a monk in Thailand. (in English)

 

My Favorite Quote: Attitude

Quote inspires. Quote changes lives. Here is my most favorite quote about attitude. Let’s them change your life!

It’s so hard when I have to, and so easy when I want to. Annie Gottlier

If we don’t change direction, we’ll end up where we’re headed. Chinese Proverb

Wherever you go, go with all your heart. Confucius

There is nothing greater than enthusiasm. Henry Moore

Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent. Marilyn Vos Savant

The world belongs to the energetic. Ralph Waldo Emerson

To live only for some future goal is shallow. It’s the sides of the mountain that sustain life, not the top. Robert Pirsig

 

My Best of the Best Photos

Finally! You do not have to keep waiting like crazy anymore: be able to sleep properly, enjoy eating, and smile with your everyday’s life. Viewing http://www.flickr.com/photos/chawapol/ will cure those anxiety and free all those physical-related symptoms away. (Or, click at photos on Flickr photos submenu on the right side of this page) Only best-of-the-best 126 photos from a million of photos I have taken in my last 5 years are waiting for you to enjoy. But, Wait! This is only a beginning of this professional photo blog. So, do not forget to come back to check for more update in June again.

Enjoy my best-of-the-best photos!